On Gratitude in the Middle of Suffering and Conflict.

There’s no getting around conflict. The fact is, that life has its share of disappointments, losses and sadness.  Life is suffering too. Negative emotions, experiences and trauma are going to show up.  No amount of positive thinking is going to change that.  But what we do know and what the research shows, is that after significant trauma, people can grow in many ways, increasing in a sense of purpose, compassion, the way they utilize their personal strength. There can often be significant growth out of conflict. 

"If there is no conflict and struggle there is no growth and evolution!  God created the dynamic of conflict and only out of this cosmic play can anything be created or manifested or condensed.  The PLAY is the thing!!!"

 - William Greaves

I think one of the most valuable ways I get to serve my clients, is in helping them develop the muscle of awareness.  It’s through awareness, that we become truly Present.  And once we are in Presence, we are creating and being from our truest and most resourceful self.  And that, is the whole trick. 

 As a coach, when clients are experiencing conflict or so-called ‘negative emotions or thoughts’, I remind them that like all emotions - its data.  Our suffering arises from over-identifying with our thoughts, beliefs or emotions.  

I will invite clients to separate themselves from the troubling emotion or thought - so rather than :  ‘I am Angry.  I am depressed’, there is an invitation to make an observation, without attachment - so that might translate to something closer to: “I’m noticing the feeling of anger, or sadness..’  Once we can name the experience, then the inquiry begins: 

I might ask a client, to describe where they feel the emotion in their body and they might answer something like - ‘my throat feels tight’, or ‘a rock in the pit of the stomach -  or if they’re like me, heat rising up the on the back of my neck.  

And as we continue to collect/understand the data, more curiosity:

what signal is that emotion sending you about what you value? Or, how does {the conflict} shift or compromise your values? or, what need isn’t getting met here?

And as this excavation and examination proceeds, new questions about this so-called, ‘negative emotion’ begin to emerge: 

What new thing am I meant to learn here?   What is available to be created or manifested from this conflict?

Liani with JG @ Thunderbird Conservation Park in Glendale, Arizona

As we engage curiosity in this way, like the sun rises at the dawn of a new day, gratitude begins to emerge.  

Here’s the thing I know for sure:

If we can hold space for gratitude in ALL of our experiences, we can experience Gratitude not just as a switch we get to turn on when things are going well; we can see it also as a beacon of light in the middle of darkness and the difficult places.  

With love, 

Liani